(image from http://www3.telus.net/airedales/newsletters/may2004.htm )
Well, my dear readers, it’s been about a month (maybe over a month) since I’ve written anything here. To be honest, I’ve felt like I was silenced out of writing. Back when I wrote about the PTO elections, I was told during a talk with a friend that I was seen as “unstable” by some people because they had read some of the things in my blog. This was from someone who works at my boys’ school. I figured that if I didn’t write anymore, then no one would be able to even try to use anything against me or the boys. Most importantly, I didn’t want anyone to use what I write or what I’m going through against my boys. They’re innocent; they didn’t ask to have me for a mom.
So, I’m going to let it rip. Who in the world is completely “stable”? Why in the world is not OK to be able to write about how I feel, what I’m going through, or what goes through my mind? I’ve had other people comment in previous posts that they’ve been relieved that someone else feels the same way and that they don’t feel alone. Isn’t this the point of this blog?
As I read in a friend’s blog today, “As a popular saying goes: if you can’t accept me at my worst, then you certainly don’t deserve me at my best either.” I think this rings pretty true for how I’ve been feeling about being silenced out of my own blog.
If you don’t want to read it, don’t click on it. I’m not here to please everyone; I want to be able to write from my heart the way I want to, and be able to hopefully help others to do the same. People don’t always understand what it’s like to live with a mental illness. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. And, don’t judge me by calling me “unstable” because you don’t know the whole story.