This mom is thinking again…

When I was looking for photos to help express my thoughts today, this is the one that struck me the most. Number one- I’d NEVER be mountain climbing like this, but yet I’ve been feeling myself fall slowly back into the pit again. So, the metaphor returns of climbing out of the valley, and I thought this picture was great- especially with the friend helping out at the top, lending a hand to hoist the climber up to the top. There is no number two. I just put number one for a strong emphasis. 😉

I have been thinking about relationships and friendships a lot lately. As a mom of twins, I am always the referee between my two boys fighting and challenging each other to see who’s the “alpha twin”. I also have to help both of them learn relationship and friendship skills, something I never really learned (and am still learning.) My one son who has autism/ Asperger’s (we’ll find out what the real diagnosis is this Friday after I meet with the neuropsychologist) reminds me much of myself when I was his age. No one wants to play with him during recess, he often goes off by himself and does his own thing, and he is starting to learn that he is “different” from the others, and it is beginning to bother him. Thankfully, no one is teasing him unmercifully like the bullies did to me when I was his age. I think the fact that he is about two heads taller than most of his classmates gives the other kids something to think about before they think about messing with him. 😉 But in all honesty, the boys go to a good school, and we haven’t had any issues with bullying (knock on wood- yet).

I remember the old saying, “If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend.” My sweet son will sometimes tell me, “No one plays with me during recess”, so I ask him, “Did you ask to play with anyone?” You see, my son LOVES highways. It. is. an. obsession. He will draw highway signs on the sidewalk on the playground. He makes up maps in his head. He has all the highways in our home state MEMORIZED. So, our challenge is to teach him that not all kids are going to like what he likes. We also have to teach him that not everyone is going to be his friend. I have already e-mailed the IEP team notifying them of what is going on at the playground, and they’ve all been supportive. But, like I told my son, we can’t force anyone to be your friend. You have to try to be friends first.

This kind of segues into how I am seeing relationships- if you want love, you have to give love. For me, when I’m falling into my depression hole, the last thing I want to do is to try to give love, even though that’s the one thing I want the most, and the thing that helps me feel better. I remember part of Saint Francis’ prayer- “It is in giving that we receive.” So, in being a friend, we will have friends. If we want love, we need to give love.

How’s that for mom philosophy?

Photo graciously provided by dolanh, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved.

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4 responses

  1. I’d say ya hit the nail on the head.

    Period.

    And, about your son ~ isn’t worrying about your kids so overwhelming? I feel like it is. If it’s not how they’re being treated at school, it’s something else. It’s 24/7. GAH! I love mine more than anything as I’m sure you do to— at least we have each other to bounce idea’s and questions off of.

    That was good that you gave the school the heads up. We all have to learn tolerance of each other. We are all different and THAT’S OK!

  2. I was kinda the same way growing up, as your lonesome son. I never went out of the way to make friends on my own, but then again, I am an only child, so I’ve always had my imagination.

    But when I got to that age where I started taking a mild interest in sports (baseball, karate… “you mean I get to hit people AND break stuff?!”) I learned to make friends with my teammates, because we all had a common interest.

    Your son likes highways… ok, interesting block to build off of… as he gets older, try introducing him to team sports where he’ll be somewhat forced to interact with kids his own age, that share a similar interest. Find out what he likes, see if he can’t discover a hidden talent for fencing or shagging fly balls and then check with your community rec department to see if there’s something going on with that particular sport.

    Just a suggestion…

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