I had to get back to this one. PJ is someone whom I’ve known a long time and in her response to the post I wrote before, I feel I need to address her well-detailed reply.
“Look at all the good things you have in your life”
That’s coming from someone who is ignorant BUT is trying to be supportive. They are trying to help in the only way they know how. They are trying to show you where the top of the pit is so you can start climbing out!!!! Don’t be mad at them because it seems as though they don’t understand. THAT doesn’t matter. What matters is they have made an effort. They are trying.!!!! You have a friend, but your depression is refusing to let you see them.
Well, I’m not so sure that the depression is refusing to let me see that I have a friend. I do agree that the person is ignorant. I’m not sure they’re trying to be supportive. Honestly, I thought I knew who my friends were, and now I am not sure. Like I had mentioned in the first post, these comments that I have received have been from *family*, not from friends. Most of the friends have said “I’m sorry… is there anything I can do?”, to which I reply, “Please pray for us”, or “I really don’t know.”
“When you got back from the (therapist, hospital, doctor), did they figure out what triggered your depression?”
Uggg, how totally insensitive…but again, stems from ignorace…and again…they didn’t push you away or close the door….they opened the next door by venturing forth with a question and showing concern for you. They are trying to be a friend, to be supportive, and to learn just exactly what it is you are going through. That’s compassion. That’s friendship.
Insensitive, you got it. Hurtful… more than words can say.
“I don’t know what to say….”
I’m so sorry this also hurts you!!! YOU KNOW it’s not meant to. This statement comes from the person who has also struggled…who knows that no matter what you say….it’s not going to make it better for the person. It’s like when I miscarried…..I’m not the only woman who has lost a child…..but only I felt what I felt……and others did not know how to ease that pain. There was NOTHING anyone could have said that would have made my day any better. I don’t know what to say is a 100% HONEST response. “I feel for you!! It means “I’m willing, but I don’t know what I can say to help you”
Like I said before… I can accept this statement. It’s like when I had my hysterectomy.. I’d rather no one say anything at all because they didn’t know what I was going through.
“You shouldn’t be depressed. There are people who have it worse than you.”
true true. still it bites that they were insensitive enough to de-value what it is you are feeling. I’ll not argue this one at all. I am on your side.
This statement was one that was tossed around at group therapy when I was at the hospital. Someone brought it up and we all jumped over that one like a dog on a bone. We were all quite peeved.
“How can someone like you be depressed?”
HEY!!! do you see—-CAN you see—-what this person sees when they look at you? What a sweet wonderful lady you are!!! They’re not trying to be uncaring or insensitive. They are searching for understanding, possibly even a bit fearfully, because if this can happen to YOU…….it might be them next. And let’s not argue over symantics of vocabulary. You know in your head what they meant. Please take it to heart.
Again, another one brought up at group therapy. No one has ever said this to me directly. And honestly, I *can’t* see the good in me. When I was in one session during hospitalization and we had to list three strengths about ourselves, I couldn’t think of one. The group leader had to list them for me.
“It will get better… really, it will.”
When you’re at the bottom…the only way is up. I can see thier point. Yes, it sounds like they’re just brushing you off, and many probably are—–but still— there’s a piece of truth there. Latch on to it, find the frayed end of the rope and hold on to the hope that is still there.
I’m trying to find the rope and not tie it around my neck.
Michelle, I will not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL not let you keep sinking. Dang it baby girl. We love you. You have friends. You have support. We are here—-but honey, YOU have got to start climbing out—we can’t do it for you. We can only hold the rope, and point the signs to where the top of the pit is. We can only hold the lantern……..
I know you are hurting and i’m very worried about you…BUt there is nothing I can say that is going to make it better. Fight girl!!!! Don’t let the devil get to you. Don’t let the depression win. Start talking.
I have been fighting for a long time… since I was a kid. The depression is not going away. It just keeps getting worse. I still have urges to hurt myself, but I push them away because I don’t want to go back to the hospital. I’m back to seeing my therapist every week (which we barely have the money for that… hmm… total hospitalization or weekly therapy= which is cheaper?)
My DH told me the other day that I am like a blank wall when he looks at me, that when he talks to me, I sound like Eeyore. He is angry at the depression, and he has given up on me. Do you have any idea how hurtful that is? Then when I have “friends” who have given up as well? Then when I have given up on myself? Sheesh…. who the hell *would* want me around?
As I’ve said to fellow bloggers, I’m TIRED of feeling empty and alone. Yes, I have closed myself off because that’s all I know to do because it hurts to reach out. Ironically, I know the only way I can get help is to reach out. It’s a deadly catch-22.