Lost in a swirling vortex of confusion and anxiety

I’ve been home from the hospital for almost 3 days now, and I feel like I’m swirling in a vortex of confusion and anxiety. I’ve been having a hard time adjusting to life back on “the outside”, and I miss my friends that I made from the group. They really understand what it’s like to live with this constant depression day in and out.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve been back into the crying, the getting-emotional-quickly… I feel as if I haven’t made much progress, even though the classes they teach at the hospital were very helpful.

The sleep medication that the psychiatrist gave me is not working well. I sleep for about 4 hours, then I’m up again, asleep again, up again for the rest of the night. The only difference is that I can fall asleep in a 1/2 hour instead of falling asleep in an hour. I also had my antidepressant medication increased. The doc said it will take 4-6 weeks for any noticeable effect. Sigh.

I’ll write more later because I do want to address what people should do when they are hospitalized, and what they should tell their families.


6 responses

  1. Never having been hospitalized (voluntary or otherwise) for my mental troubles, though I probably should have been on more than one occasion, please note that I ask this out of ignorance: Is there any way for you to bring some of the ‘safe’ structure you experienced while away, into your home? I’m sure your family would be more than willing to help in that way, if you could find the way to express what you need.

    I definitely know the instant emotional reactions that accompany nearly every event when one’s depression is manefesting severely. And the stress of that seemingly ‘total loss of control’ just compounds the inablilty to overcome. If I had ANY suggestions at all regarding the phrase “Don’t be so hard on yourself”, I’d offer them up in a second. Unfortunately, that is one door I’ve never been able to even find, let alone pass through.

    As a pretty sage fellow (the Ol’ Man), and others have told me, you have lots of ‘friends’ out here (in blogland) who know what you are going through, and even though we are juts bits of light and dark on a screen in front of you, we are ‘real’ people – just not able to be there with you in person. Please reach out for whatever you need, whenever you need.


  2. Hang in there BTM, we all care about you. This sounds like one helluva rough path your on right now. But you have family and friends. Your hubby, and your wonderful children might not understand whats going on right now, but you know they love you more than anything. Take care of yourself…your gonna make it through this one and be wiser and stronger for it.
    Peace and hugs.

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