How can it be that I feel so alone when I’m surrounded by people all day and night? And why is it that when I want to reach out to friends, I’m afraid that I’ll be seen as just an attention-seeker, when it’s the connection and love of friends that I NEED to help me get out of this hole? Plus, it’s ironic that I have more connections in the cyber world than in the “real world”. I’m always longing for a personal email or a comment on my blog that tells me that someone is reading what I’m writing, or someone is thinking about me and thinks what I’m doing is good.
I had my appointment with my therapist today, and she said that I’m at the bottom of the pit again (gee… I figured that one out from sleeping all day yesterday and wanting ice cream for dinner last night.) She said, “I can give you the ladder, but it’s up to you to decide to climb out of the pit.” She said that yes, it is going to feel like a lot of work to try to connect with friends, but I need to do this. If I don’t, I’m going to be looking up from the bottom of that pit for a long time.