Insight into my parenting style (or lack thereof)

In these six years that I’ve been a parent, I’ve read tons of articles and books, taken classes in Love and Logic , participated in lots of committees on early childhood development, and the one thing keeps coming back to me- when I don’t stress so much on what I’m “supposed” to be doing, I enjoy my kids a lot more. When I take the time to actually talk to them instead of at them, I actually like being a mom instead of being the drill instructor.

A good scientific experiment would be to tally how many times I tell the boys to do something, remind them how to act, reprimand them for their behavior, and then tally how many times I actually talk with them about what they like, what they see…. actually relating with them in their world instead of making them keep pace in mine.

There were a few times this weekend when I put aside the drill instructor and actually talked with my kids without having the next thing pre-planned in my head (the “you-need-to-do-this-NOW” comment would be inserted here).

Now, I need to learn how to balance this in my life. I want to be able to enjoy my kids instead of being constantly frazzled. Raising twins is a constant adventure, and I want be awed instead of exhausted.

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2 responses

  1. This is something so many people seem to forget, or perhaps not realize; children are people too. (I was actually thinking about this just this morning!) I use the Baby Whisperer method with Amelia (works wonders for me!), and she advocates calling the baby by their name as soon as it gets settled upon. This is one reason I use her name when writting, where I will not use just about anyone else’s. When one constantly refers to them as “the baby” or “the boy”, they are unconciously turning them into an object and forgetting the person.

    People should always be treated with dignity and respect. Now if they put themselves into an undignified position, as in throwing a screaming tantrum on the floor, there’s not much a parent can do about it except remove the child from the situation.

    This can of course, and has been now a days, be taken to an extreme, where the parent forgets to be the parent. Sometimes you have to take them by the scruff of the neck and sit them in that time-out chair until they calm down.

    Ah, I could go on and on. I’m good at “preaching” now, we’ll see when it’s actually time for me to put this all into practice!

    God Bless!

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